I forgive you.
How do you feel when you hear those words? What sensations are running through your body? What thoughts start running through your mind?
I forgive you.
Forgiveness is my theme for the week. Yesterday I announced to the Universe that my intention for the next seven days is to forgive myself. Forgive myself for what happened in the past, what I can't let go of, and for not being where I thought I “should” be at this stage in my life. Heavy, I know.
You hear about how forgiveness is the key to personal freedom. Experts and gurus tell us to just forgive ourselves and move on. So much easier said than done, right? Forgiving other people is hard, forgiving ourselves is a lot harder. In my opinion, our expectations for ourselves are far higher than the expectations we set for others. When someone falls short of our expectations we might feel disappointed, maybe frustrated, but after some time passes we make amends and move on. When we fall short of our own expectations, the gloves come off. We attack with everything we've got. There's disappointment and anger, harsh words are said, self-sabotage occurs, and a whole bucket full of ugliness gets thrown in the mix too. And yes we move on, but those wounds are never treated. We don't give ourselves the chance to heal so the next time we fall short we reopen the wound and hurt ourselves deeper. And the cycle begins again.
Forgiveness isn't just a Band-Aid. It's not something we use to cover up hurt and pain; it's used to heal. But it takes time, practice, and lots of love to heal our own wounds.
During one of my self-discovery adventures I was given an activity to try which I would recommend to anyone regardless of what stage they are at in their life. It requires honesty, vulnerability, patience, courage, and love. It can be a little uncomfortable and can bring up some squirmy feelings, but it can also shine light on things from your past that you thought you had let go of that are still weighing you down.
The directions are simple: Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself.
That's it. You don't have to show anyone and you can delete it or burn it when you finish. Don't worry about spelling and grammar or how neat it is, the whole point it to get the thoughts, feelings, and words out of your system and laid out in front of you. I'm not going to lie and say that the process is easy, but the feeling of release and freedom that comes about when you acknowledge your pain points and let them go is so worth it.
Would you write a letter of forgiveness to yourself?
I have written several letters of forgiveness to myself over the years, but I'd like to share this particular one with you. I wrote it to the me I was when I was at rock bottom. My rock bottom was the turning point for me and where my journey to becoming a Life & Personal Foundation Coach began. I was unhappy, I was scared, I wasn't myself. And if I could share anything with that woman this would be it.
Dearest Laura,
Come and sit with me for a moment. Kick off your shoes, step away from what's happening around you and come sit with me. Now breathe. Close your eyes and breathe. In and out, in and out. Can you feel the air fill up your lungs? Can you feel your heart beating? That means you are alive, that you are strong and that you still have one mighty adventure ahead of you. This situation does not define you. This is not the end of your story. This moment, right here, right now is the beginning. It is time for you to stop being who everyone told you to be and start being the beautiful, special and oh so loveable soul that you truly are. It is time.
Before you start your journey toward owning and rocking your inner light (yes that's what is going to happen!), I want to lessen your load. I want to take some of the weight off your shoulders. Those heavy bags that you've been dragging behind you have sucked up all of your energy and weighed you down for far too long. You don't need them anymore. Let go. Let me help free you.
Forgiveness has never meant much to you. “I'm sorry” were only words to avoid confrontation and “It's okay” brought the conversation to a close. No heart, no truth behind the exchange. You've never experienced the power behind true forgiveness. I know how foreign it is to say “I forgive you.” How strange it feels and how you can't quite shape it in your mouth. I also know how freeing those three words can be. Those words will cut ties between you and the heaviness you have been carrying. You might not feel it right away, you might not cut through the cords on the first try, but this is the beginning. This is when you start your journey towards a life beyond your wildest dreams.
I forgive you for doing what you “should” do and not what you want to do. You did everything you were supposed to do and even though it left you feeling lost when you reached that last step, know that it gave you the foundation you needed to move forward. You learned things that you have yet to realize you did. Wait, those lessons will be so useful soon.
I forgive you for not being aware of your thoughts and feelings. You've spent so much time focused outward that you've disconnected from the person within. That will change. Think of it like this, you've spent 25 years learning from the world around you and now you can spend the next 25 learning from the person within.
I forgive you for the harsh words you say to yourself everyday. Every negative thought is like a punch, a blow to your spirit. I know it will take you many, many years to finally see it, but you are so beautiful, both inside and out. Be kind to yourself.
I forgive you for not loving and trusting yourself. I can't even begin to tell you how life-changing it will be when you finally understand what this means. The whole experience will give you shivers. Go into it with an open mind and an open heart. You are love and once you realize that it will be so easy to trust yourself.
I forgive you for not standing up for yourself sooner. You didn't understand that all the things that you thought made you different, that put you on the edge of the crowd, that you hid from the world are all gifts from the Universe. You will learn very soon that each one of those things that set you apart will actually launch you ahead. When you embrace who you are, every inch of your being, you will shine so bright. That moment will be pure magic.
I forgive you for thinking that you failed at life. I know that thought is going through your head right now. You may not be doing what other people are, you may be moving at a slower pace. You may not have met your goals and feel like you are floundering in the water. Whatever it is that you are feeling know this – you did not fail. You lived, you tried, and every single time you learned. You will never fail, you will only learn.
I know this is all overwhelming. Don't shut down. Stay here with me right now and let's just be. Let's be together in this moment and feel the energy moving around us. Be here now and remember that you are not alone. You are surrounded by people who love you and support you no matter what you do or who you are. This is the beginning of a new life for you and we will take it one baby step at a time. Keep your heart open and enjoy the journey. You are worthy of this adventure and of all the goodies that it will bring. This is you time.
I love you, my lovely Laura. Let the Universe support you and set you free.
Sending love and light to you always,
Laura
