How are you feeling right now?
Happy? Sad? Depressed? Frustrated? Elated? Like yourself?
Have you ever been unable to figure out how you were feeling? You know you aren't feeling like yourself, you know something is off, but you can't identify what EXACTLY it is.
That is me in a nutshell right now.
How am I actually feeling!?
For someone who is constantly trying to learn more about who she is and what she is here to do, it quite frankly, pisses me off when I can't identify what is going on inside when I am feeling off.
Am I happy? No. Am I sad? No. Then what am I!?
And you know how it goes, the more you want to solve a problem, the more pressure you put on yourself to figure it out. And then when you can't figure it out you start to get frustrated (hey, I know that feeling!) and you get caught in that cycle of jaw clenching, brewing anger that is not good for anyone let alone the poor individual who happens to cross your path at that moment and gets a taste of the not so shiny side of you. (Sorry Mom!)
One of the biggest lessons I learned when I was working towards my Life Skills Coaching accreditation was how to identify what I was feeling inside and how to work with those feelings moving forward.
It sounds like such a simple thing to do and something that we were taught how to do when we were 3 years old, but somewhere along my journey I stopped checking in with myself and ignored all the sensations that made their way through my body.
The constant question being asked to us throughout my course was “How does that make you feel?” It was a way to separate the thinking side of us to our feeling side. Good wasn't an option and bad wasn't an option because, guess what, they are not feelings.
For many people eliminating those two options left them completely in no man's land because over the years they had lost their ability to label their emotions. They didn't remember feeling words and if they didn't remember the words how could they match them up to the sensations that were running through their body?
Insert one of the most valuable tools that you could possibly have when you are on the journey towards landing in your body, your true self, and your life.
This is the feeling wheel.
So basic, yet so useful.
Take a moment right now to feel. Don't judge, don't control, don't try to change anything. Just be. Sit in your current feeling.
Now, take a look at the middle of the wheel, the six feelings identified there, and pick the one that closest describes how you are feeling right now.
Identifying feelings can come down to a process of elimination. Given the six options, which one seems to be where you are sitting feeling-wise right now?
The next step is to dig a little deeper. Take a look at the next ring of feelings. Read over the options and make a note of ones that strike a chord or describe a bit better what is happening inside of you.
Maybe Fear was the feeling you picked first, but it didn't really sit right. Looking through the options maybe insecure describes you better. Or perhaps humiliated.
And you might discover that the sensations you have need two or three or five different feeling words to express everything that you are feeling. Why not! We are complex beings so of course our feelings would be too.
If you are still not fully satisfied with the feelings you've identified within, they don't feel complete, take it to the next level and look at the outermost ring. Are there words there that feel right?
And they can cross categories too! Looking at the wheel now I realize that the ingredients that make up my internal sensations are irritated, inadequate, and disappointed with a dash of lonely. Hmm...interesting.
It is a process, but trust me when I say that it is worth it. Sometimes realizing that what you originally thought was anger is actually frustration or suspicion can change how you approach a situation, how your day goes, how you treat the next person you see walking down the street. It's another piece of knowledge that sets you up to moving towards your dreams.
Another wave of feelings can wash over you when you begin to put the words to the feeling. There is always a sense of empowerment because who doesn't like figuring out the answer, but there can also be feelings of judgment and guilt.
Let those go.
You feel what you feel. You cannot change or control feelings. Acknowledge them, thank them for coming around and then let them go. Often the acknowledgment is enough for them to release the hold they have on you and melt away.
How do you feel now that you have identified what those sensations in your body are? Do you feel empowered? Do you feel lighter?
Recognizing and putting words to my “I don't know”-ness has calmed me down so I'm no longer in that wheel of frustration. I have more control of my day knowing how I feel because I can adjust my approach with others based on my awareness of my current state. And I feel free from the heaviness of the unknown state I was wandering in before.
All it took was a few minutes to identify my feelings and I am ready to get my goals.
Imagine how your life can change when you start checking in with yourself and acknowledging your feelings. Imagine how landing in your body and taking ownership of all the little tingles and waves of feelings that appear can make that dream life of your that much sweeter.
And it all starts with one question...
How do you feel?
